I Did It For You
by friendsislife
Summary: What happens when the one person you need the most leaves you? -Chapter 10 up.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first ever fanfic so please be nice! It takes place at the end of series 7, that's all you need to know.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own any of the characters.**

**Chapter 1: The Bings.**

The Bings. The Bings.

The words echoed in Chandlers head. Tomorrow, he and Monica were going to become 'The Bings'. And this thought scared him to death. It wasn't that he didn't love her, because he did. He loved her more than anything, but he just couldn't become the Bings. The Bings' marriages always ended in disaster and he just couldn't do that to Monica.

"Hey sweetie!" Monica walked into the apartment, kissing Chandler softly, "Do you realise that tomorrow we're going to be married? Married!" She grinned with excitement and squeezed his hand.

"Yeah." He laughed nervously, not looking Monica in the eyes. She didn't notice that he was acting strange though - she was too excited about the wedding to notice anything really. Chandler was glad that she didn't notice his weirdness, it would only worry her. And Chandler wanted anything but that. He looked at her bright blue eyes shining as she grinned up at him, and felt his heart melt. He couldn't believe how much he loved her. But that was why he couldn't marry her, he would do anything to protect her and by marrying her he was just asking for something horrible to go wrong.

"You okay honey?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes, she could always tell how he was feeling with just one look. But this time he looked away quickly.

"I'm fine." He tried to sound upbeat and happy but it came out all squeaky and high pitch so he quickly pulled her into a hug, just needing to hold her in his arms.

"Hey guys!" They pulled apart as Rachel ran into the appartment, "Right Bing, out of here! You're sleeping in mine and Joey's apartment tonight, I'm not having you two spending the night together before the weeding. Don't want to jinx anything!" Chandler laughed at the irony of what she had just said. They didn't need to worry about jinxing anything before the wedding, they would be jinxed as soon as they said 'I do'.

"Okay, night Mon." He wrapped his arms around her again and breathed in the smell of her hair. God, he loved her so much, and that was the problem. If he married her everything would be married, because they would be 'the Bings'.

"Night, I love you Chandler." She placed a tender kiss on his lips and ran her hands through his hair.

"I love you too Mon, so much." he whispered softly into her ear and pulled away, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before he gave her hand a soft squeeze and went through to Joey's.

He closed the door and sat down in the barcalounger, putting his head in his hands. What was he going to do? He had never felt this way about anyone before. He couldn't even remember his life before he was with Monica, she was his everything. He was so confused. He was Chandler, the commitment-phobe, but Monica made him forget about all that. He wanted to spend his whole life with her. But he just couldn't, he couldn't become the Bings. Bings' marriages were cursed. He could hear Monica talking to Rachel in apartment 20. Jesus, she _was_ loud.

"I know Rach, I'm so excited. I thought this day would never come. I've finally found my soul mate, my prince charming! Who would have thought it would be Chandler? I just can't wait to become Mrs Bing!"

There it was again. Mrs Bing. He couldn't do that to Monica. She'd waited her whole life to get married and everything would end in misery if they became the Bings. It broke his heart as he picked up the pen and began to scribble on the piece of paper, but he had to do this. For Monica.

"_Tell Mon I'm sorry. X"_

He put the note on the counter and walked out of the apartment, closing the door quietly. "I love you." he whispered, blowing a kiss to the door of apartment 20, before slowly walking down the stairs and out into the busy New York street.

* * *

"Night Rach." Monica hugged her best friend and walked through to her bedroom. She snuggled down under the covers, thinking of Chandler. It physically hurt her sometimes, how much she loved him. She actually missed him right now. After all this time her heart still melted with just one look into his bright blue eyes, and she still got goosebumps when he brushed against her. When he kissed her she still got butterflies, and it was all that she could do to stop her knees from buckling. She looked at the empty space beside her and pulled the bed covers tightly around her. She couldn't wait to marry Chandler tomorrow. It was going to be the best day of her life. She grinned to herself in the darkness, she had been so happy when she and Chandler had got engaged. It had got to the point in her life where she had wondered if she would ever find her prince. But London had changed all that, God bless London! It had opened her eyes to what had always been right in front of her; Chandler. "I love you so much Chandler Bing." She whispered into the darkness before drifting off to sleep.

Rachel sat up suddenly, someone was banging on the apartment door. She glanced at the clock; 7 am. She rolled out of bed and went to open the door. A frantic looking Ross was standing on the other side.

"What is it?" Rachel asked nervously as Ross handed her the note. "Oh my God!" Rachel stared at the piece of paper in her hand as she ran a hand through her hair, "What are we gonna do? We can't tell Mon yet, she'll be heartbroken. We need to find him." Her voice was rising as she gripped Ross's hand.

"Shh Rach." He pulled her into a hug as he tried to calm her down, "I'll get Pheebs and Joey to help me look. Don't worry, we'll find him." Rachel pulled away and looked at Ross.

"Promise?"

"Rach, I can't promise anything. Just distract Mon until we get back."

"Okay." She tried to force a smile as Ross squeezed her hand before going back to Joey's apartment to wake him up.

"Mon, please, don't get ready yet!" Rachel pleaded with Monica, silently praying that the guys would be back soon.

"Why Rach?!" Monica was beginning to get frustrated with her friend.

"Because …" She racked her brains for something to say to her but was saved by the sound of the apartment door opening. Ross walked in, his hair sticking up in all directions and his clothes crumpled, obviously just been pulled up quickly off the floor. He shook his head at Rachel.

"Guys whats going on?" Monica looked worried, clasping her hands together.

"Mon, I … I don't know how to tell you this." Rachel looked as if she was about to burst into tears.

"Rach, you're scaring me." She glanced from Ross to Rachel and saw the look they gave each other.

"Honey, Chandlers gone." Monica's heart seemed to stop as she sunk to the ground. Her face drained of all colour and tears began to run down her face, dripping onto the floor as Monica hugged her knees to her chest.

**Okay, so that was the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you think and if you think I should continue!**

**And thanks Rosie for encouraging me to get this typed up! Love you x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter guys! Thanks for the reviews :D I know nothing has happened so far but hopefully you'll find this chapter a bit more exciting!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any of the characters.**

**Chapter 2: Unexpected**

"Mon, it's gonna be okay, I promise. We're all here for you." She pulled Monica up off the floor and wrapped her up in a hug.

"You don't know that Rach. It's not gonna be okay. Chandler's gone." She pushed Rachel away and ran into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Phoebe and Joey had walked into the apartment just in time to see the door bang shut. They looked over at Rachel and Ross. A tear ran down Rachel's cheek as she started to walk in the direction of Monica's bedroom.

"Leave her." Ross whispered as he gently put his hand on Rachel's arm to stop her.

* * *

Chandler sat on the park bench with his head in his hands. What had he done? He had just run away from the one person who made his life worth living. The only woman he had ever really loved. He had thrown everything away. But then he remembered why, and he knew he had made the right decision. But he couldn't deny that fact that every time he thought of Monica he felt an ache where his heart used to be an it took all the strength he had in him not to go home and to do what he was about to do.

He got into the cab and fought back the urge to go home to Monica, to hold her in his arms again, to look into her sparkling eyes and hear her whisper 'I love you' then kiss him softly. But he couldn't.

"Airport please." He fought back tears as he choked these two words out.

* * *

Monica lay in bed that night playing with the engagement ring on her finger. She should have a wedding ring now as well. But she didn't. She didn't even really have a fiancée or a boyfriend anymore. Because he'd run away. She suddenly felt so angry at him, but then she remembered how much she missed him and loved him. Even after one day she missed him. She missed him so much. If she closed her eyes tightly and blocked everything out she could almost pretend that everything was normal, that Chandler hadn't left her. That she hadn't just lost the most important thing in her life. But then she opened her eyes and saw the empty space in the bed next to her. She felt the dull ache in her stomach and she could taste the salty tears that were running into her mouth. This was supposed to have been the best and happiest day of her life, but instead it had turned out to be the worst. Her prince, her soul mate, her best friend, her Chandler was gone.

She hadn't spoken to anyone all day, she couldn't face any of them, she just lay in bed crying. It was a wonder she even had any tears left. Her friends had thought she was asleep and had been talking about her and Chandler. Ross had taken care of cancelling the wedding, and Monica had felt like her heart was being ripped out when she heard him saying this to every one. Up until then she had been able to kid herself that Chandler would come back in time for the wedding, she had been able to make herself think that maybe, just maybe he would walk into the apartment and everything would be back to normal. But when she heard Ross say that he was going to have to cancel the wedding she felt like a part of her was dying.

Throughout the day she heard Phoebe and Rachel discussing her, how sad she must be feeling, how distraught and upset she must be. Monica hated hearing them talk about her like that. She was supposed to be strong. But she couldn't be strong. Not now. She felt like a part of her was missing. She wanted so much to be in Chandler's arms right now, she felt safe in his arms, like nothing could hurt her. She got out of bed and got one of Chandler's jumpers out of the wardrobe, putting it on instead of her own pyjamas. If he couldn't hold her then this was the next best thing. So she got back into bed and cried herself to sleep, burying her face in his jumper.

* * *

Rachel walked into the apartment the next morning, silently praying that Monica would finally be up and about. She had been in bed for almost three days solid, only getting up to go to the bathroom and to eat, which was not a lot. She hadn't said a word to anyone since Chandler had gone, and if anyone tried to speak to her about it she would burst into tears and run back into her room. They were all starting to get really worried about her. Rachel was sitting just staring at the door to Monica's bedroom when Ross walked into the apartment and came to sit down next to her.

"She still not talking to anyone?" Ross anxiously glanced at the bedroom door before looking back to Rachel.

"No, and I'm really worried about her Ross." Rachel ran her hands through her hair as she turned to look at him.

"Me too Rach." Ross whispered back, "But there's nothing we can do, she just needs time. She'll be okay."

"Ross, you keep saying that! But what if she's never okay? You've seen the way that she looks at Chandler, the look in her eyes when she smiles at him. She loves him so much. I just … I just don't think she'll ever be 'okay' without him." She sighed and looked at Ross expectantly but he just nodded sadly and looked down at the floor.

Monica slowly got out of bed, but had to sit back down again because she was overcome with nausea and dizziness. She'd been feeling like this for the past couple of days but just put it down to the lack of food. As she sat down on the bed she noticed the picture of her and Chandler that she had on her bedside table. She was sitting on his lap in Central Perk and was looking up at him, laughing at some joke she had just told. They both looked so happy. She reached up to wipe a tear that was rolling down her cheek. She needed to talk to someone about all this. She hadn't talked to anyone in three days, and she felt like she was losing them. She had already lost the love of her life and she didn't want to lose her best friends as well.

Rachel looked up when she heard Monica's bedroom door click open. She had to stop herself from gasping when she looked at Monica. Her skin white and she had dark circles under her eyes. She was still wearing Chandler's jumper and from what Rachel could tell, she hadn't taken it off since he left.

"I need to talk." Monica's voice was barely above a whisper and Rachel had to strain to hear her.

"Sure sweetie." Rachel walked over and put an arm around Monica, leading her over to sit on the sofa. They both sat in silence until Monica turned to look at Rachel a few minutes later.

"Why did he leave me?" It took all the strength that Rachel had in her to stop herself from crying. There was so much hurt in her best friends voice, and so much pain in her eyes. In that moment she hated Chandler for doing this to her.

"Honey, you have to believe me when I say this. He didn't leave because of you. He loved you so much. But he's Chandler, he'll just have got freaked out about the wedding, but I know he'll come back." Rachel squeezed her hand comfortingly.

"You've said that before Rach, but how do you know? What if he never comes back? I can't live without him." Her voice was a whisper by now and tears were falling freely down my cheeks. Rachel couldn't think of anything to say to comfort her so she simply hugged her tightly, rubbing her back.

"I just miss him so much." Monica spoke quietly into her friend's ear.

"I know Mon, I know." Rachel pulled away so that she was looking Monica in the eyes. She knew there was something else she wanted to say. Monica had been her best friend since high school and she knew her almost better than she knew herself.

"Mon, there's something else bothering you."

"No there's not." Monica looked away, embarrassed.

"Honey, you're my best friend, and I know when something's wrong." She squeezed Monica's knee reassuringly and lifted her chin up so that she was looking at Rachel again.

"Rach ..." she whispered as she lifted a hand to wipe away the fresh tears that were leaking out of her eyes once again. She knew she had to tell Rachel, she needed to tell her what had been making her so scared, so terrified. "I think … I think I might be pregnant."

**Hope you enjoyed the second chapter! Please review and tell me what you think of it :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys! Sorry I've not updated in soooo long, my laptop broke and I just got it fixed.**

**Hope you like this chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters, only the storyline.**

"You're pregnant? Honey, are you sure?" Rachel hugged her best friend tightly as she cried onto her shoulder. After a few minutes, Monica pulled away and wiped her eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing freely down her cheeks.

"Well I've not taken a test yet, but I'm pretty sure. I've noticed all the signs." She looked down at her hands which were clasped clasped tightly in her lap and tried to summon up some happiness at the thought that she may have a baby growing inside her. But as hard as she tried, all that she felt was fear and sadness.

"Mon, sweetie, you have to take a test. So that you can be sure." Monica nodded sadly, silently praying that she wouldn't be pregnant. Not because she didn't want a baby, but because she didn't want to have to raise Chandler's baby without him. She didn't know if she would be able to cope.

"And I want you to know that if you are pregnant, hon, we're all gonna be here for you. We're gonna help you through this." Monica nodded again, trying to force a smile but being unable to, knowing that there was only one person who would be able to help her through this.

"Rach, I can't look." Monica's hand was shaking as she handed the pregnancy test to Rachel, who hugged her tightly while she looked at the test. Her heart sank as she saw the result and felt her friends trembling body.

"Rachel?" Monica's small voice whispered through Rachel's hair.

"Honey ..." Rachel pulled away and looked Monica in the eyes, "It's positive."

"Oh my God." Monica suck to the ground, burying her face in her hands. She still had Chandler's jumper on and began crying harder as she breathed in the smell that she missed so much.

"Mon, this is a good thing, right? I mean, you've wanted a baby since you were what, five years old?" Rachel sat down next to her friend and wrapped her arms around her, resting her head on her chin.

"I have. And yeah, its supposed to be a good thing. But it's not." She was barely audible as she said these last few words, unable to speak as she was choked with tears.

"Do you wanna explain it to me? Or do you just need some time alone?" Rachel had to fight back her won tears. She hated seeing her best friend hurting so badly. Monica looked up at Rachel and locked eyes with her for a second. Rachel couldn't help a tear from escaping down her face when she saw the pain and sadness in Monica's eyes. In that moment she could have killed Chandler with her own two hands for doing this to Monica.

"Not yet." Monica shook her head as she leaned into Rachel's arms once again.

* * *

Chandler threw his bag down on the bed and sat on the edge of it, placing his head in his hands. He couldn't go back now. He had to let Monica live her life. He had to let her be with the guy who was obviously still the love of her life. The guy who wasn't Chandler. It was killing him inside, but he wanted Monica to be happy. He would do anything, _anything,_ to make her happy. Even though he didn't know what he would do without her. She had been the most important thing in his life for the past three years and he couldn't imagine a life without her. He couldn't just pretend that nothing had happened though. He couldn't go on living a lie.

_-Flashback_

_Chandler walked through Central Park, a spring in his step as he made his way back to the apartment he shared with Monica. He couldn't believe that he was getting married tomorrow, to the most amazing woman in the world. Actually, he couldn't believe that he was getting married at all. He had always been terrified of commitment, for as long as he could remember. But Monica made his forget all his fears. She was the woman he wanted to live the rest of his life with. Sure, he was still afraid of becoming "the Bings", whose marriages always went bad, but he knew that whatever problem he and Monica were faced with, they would work through it. Because they loved eachother, so much. _

_He turned the corner, thinking about the plans for the wedding tomorrow, when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked over and saw a petite brunette walking away from him, her fingers laced together with a dark haired man. He studied her from behind for a few minutes, his breath catching in his throat as he realised who it was. Monica. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't her, that it was someone who looked like her. But the more he watched them, the more certain he was that the woman was Monica._

_He tried to make himself turn round and walk away, but it was as if his feet were glued to the concrete. As Chandler tried once again to tear his eyes away from the couple, the man turned round to face Monica. Chandler had to grab onto the bench next to him to stop himself from falling when he saw who it was. He honestly felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest. When the man gazed into Monica's eyes and leant down to kiss her, it was all that Chandler could do to stop himself from yelling Monica's name and running over to them. He wiped angrily at the tears that had begun to sting at the corners of his eyes and ran out of the park, praying with all he had in him that this was all a bad dream and that he would wake up to find Monica asleep in his arms._

_-_

Chandler snapped out of his daydream and noticed that his cheeks were damp. He thought about wiping them away but realised that he didn't even care anymore. He looked around the dingy hotel room, hoping that he would find something to do that would help take his mind off Monica. She was all that he had been thinking about for the last couple of days. He should have stayed to talk to Monica, heard what she had to say. But he couldn't. If she wasn't willing to be honest with him, if she was willing to go behind his back and be with another man, then it would just be easier on both of them if he left her to be happy.

Chandler knew it was probably a mistake doing what he was about to do, but he had to, he owed it to his friends. He walked down to the payphone outside the hotel, thinking of what he was going to say. Luckily, Joey picked up on the first ring, leaving Chandler no time to chicken out.

"Hello?" He sounded as of he hadn't slept at all since Chandler had left.

"Joey, it's me." He held his breath as he waited for Joey to speak. "Please say something." Chandler was waiting for Joey to start yelling at him but what came next was worse than that.

"Dude, come home." In all the years he had lived with Joey, Chandler had never heard or seen him cry. But right now, he sounded right on the verge of tears.

"Joey I can't. I'm so sorry, but I can't. I know saying sorry doesn't fix anything, but I really am."

"No Chandler, it doesn't fix anything. How could you just take off like that? Don't you care about any of us? Don't you care about Monica?" Chandler could hear the anger rising in his voice. He took a deep breath before attempting to answer the questions that he was being bombarded with.

"Look Joe, I can't explain this over the phone, but I did it for a reason. I did think about your feelings, all of your feelings. Especially Monica's. That's why i had to leave." Chandler fought back the tears that threatened to spill even at the mention of Monica's name.

"You're not making any sense." The anger in Joey's voice slowly began to subside as he heard how sad Chandler was.

"I know, and I'm so, so sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it Chandler." There was now no emotion in Joey's voice anymore. Chandler noticed this and fought back tears, he missed everyone so much. He waited for a few moments while he contemplated whether or not he wanted to know the answer to his next question.

"Joe, how's ... how's Mon?" He held his breath as he waited for a reply.

Joey was stunned by the question. 'She's a mess' he wanted to say, 'She's lost without you. She can't function without you. She needs you. She hasn't taken your sweater off since the day you left.' But he didn't. He didn't know why. He just couldn't bring himself to say it. To cause Chandler more pain than he was already feeling.

"She's ... okay." Chandler let a tear slip down his face. It was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to hear. It was the answer he was most afraid of. All he wanted to know was that Monica was missing him. "Look Joey, I need to go. I'll phone again in a couple of days. And please, _please, _don't tell anyone that I phoned. Not even Monica. Please just pomise me that."

Joey sighed, "Ok. I promise. Bye." Joey finally let a tear slip down his face when he heard the desperation in Chandler's voice; he could tell he had been crying.

"Bye." Chandler hung up and walked back up to his hotel room in a complete daze. Monica was okay. How could she be okay, after everything they'd been through. Either Joey had lied to him or he really didn't mean anything to Monica. He refused to let himself believe the latter.

He tried to get Monica out of his head when he was lying in bed that night, but it was impossible. She had been the biggest part of his life for 7 years. Even before they had started going out, he was always closer to Monica. She was the one he trusted most, and he was pretty sure she trusted him the most as well. She always used to come to him with her problems, he was always her shoulder to cry on. And they always sat next to eachother on the couch in the coffee house, his arm draped round her shoulders. Then when they started going out, everything in his life was just perfect. He had fallen in love with his best friend. He didn't realise how much he needed her until now, when he had to live without her. It was like a part of him was missing. He knew it was corny but it was true. Not being able to see her face, hear her voice every day, it was killing him inside. He wanted so badly to just hold her in his arms, but he knew that couldn't happen. He couldn't go back. Monica would be happy now, and thats all that mattered to him.

* * *

Monica lifted her head off Rachel's shoulder, noticing that it was wet with tears. She was so used to crying now that she didn't even notice when she was doing it.

"Mon, honey, I think we have to tell the others." Rachel waited for her friend's reply, gently rubbing her arm to let her know she was there for her.

"I guess i should." Monica sniffed, burying her head in Rachel's shoulder once again as a fresh batch of tears began rolling down her face.

"Mon, talk to me. Tell me whats really bothering you." Moncica took a deep breath, sometimes she really hated the fact that Rachel could always tell when there was something she wasn't telling her and could always see past the act she was putting on.

"I don't really know where to start."

"How about telling me why you were so upset about being pregnant?" Monica sighed before answering.

"Well, I know its been something I've wanted since, like, forever." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before continuing, "But I always wanted to have a baby with the man that I love, and I know it's his baby but ... but he's gone now. And everytime I would look at my baby it would just bring back too many memories." Rachel knew that there was something else that Monica wanted to say.

"And ..."

"I can't say, you'll think I'm horrible."

"Mon, I promise I won't judge you." Rachel squeezed her friends hand.

"I'm - I'm just scared that I won't be able to love the baby if every time i look at him or her it would bring back so much pain and hurt. I'm worried that I would end up hating that baby." Rachel sat in silence for a few moments, just holding her friend.

"Please say something." Monica whispered.

"Sweetie, I've never had a baby before so I don't know what it's like, but what i do know is that this baby ... " She put her hand on Monica's stomach, "... is going to be the luckiest baby in the whole world. Because you are going to love him or her more than anything and you are going to be an amazing mum." Monica let what Rachel had said sink in.

"Are you just saying that?"

"Mon, look at me." She put both hands on either side of Monica's face so that she was looking up at her. "I have never been more sure of anything." She pulled Monica into a hug.

"Rach, I'm not ready to tell the others yet."

"Why honey?" Rachel thought she knew the answer but wanted to hear it from Monica.

"Because if I tell them, it will just make everything seem more real."

"Make what seem more real?" Monica jumped as she turned to see Ross, Phoebe and Joey standing by the couch. She hadn't even heard them come in. Rachel opened her mouth to speak but stopped when she turned round to see Monicas eyes pleading with her not to say anything.

"Mon, we have to." Rachel stood up and pulled Monica with her, wrapping an arm round her shoulder.

"Tell us what?" Three pairs of concerned eyes looked back at them, wanting to know what was going on.

"Okay, well ..."

"Rachel, please." Monica grabbed Rachel's hand desperately.

"Guy's, please just tell us." Both girls could hear the worry in Ross's voice.

"Mon, you tell them." Rachel looked at Monica who shook her head, unable to speak, due to the amount of tears that we spilling out of her eyes.

"Monica's ... " Rachel took a deep breath, "Monica's pregnant." The three faces stared at Rachel, lost for words. They didn't snap out of their daze until they heard Monica's door slam shut and heard the muffled sound of sobs coming from her room.

**I'm so so sorry that took so long, hopefully it was worth the wait!! Please review and tell me what you think. I'm pretty sure where i'm going with this but please let me know if you have any suggestions **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks so much guys for the reviews :D**

**I'm really sorry that its taken me so long to upload new chapters. I made the mistake of uploading the first chapter as soon as I had typed it up, so I've just been uploading as soon as I finish a chapter. Not sure if that really made sense or not but oh well! I've just not really had time to write much lately but I'm gonna try really hard to get more done. Anyways, on with the story :) Not much is gonna be revealed in this chapter and not much happens, it'll probs be another couple of chapters before the exciting stuff happens so you'll have to bear with me! Yeah and I still don't own any characters, only the storyline :)**

Monica lay on her bed, hugging Chandler's pillow to her. She could hear snippets of the conversation drifting in from the other room. She wanted to be angry at Rachel for telling the others, but she couldn't. Because she knew that it was the right thing to do. She needed all the support that she could get.

"She's pregnant?!" Ross's voice cracked as his anger rose. "I swear, if I ever see Chandler again, I'm gonna have to kick his ass." This should have made everyone laugh. But this time it wasn't funny, and they all knew that they would probably do the same.

"Ross, calm down." Rachel sat down on the couch and placed her head in her hands. She was emotionally drained from being Monica's shoulder to cry on for the past two days. She hated to see her best friend suffering so much.

"Caml down?! **Calm down?!** My ex best friend has knocked up my little sister and just taken off!" Everyone flinched when Ross called Chandler his 'ex' best friend, but they all accepted that this was just the way that Ross was dealing with everything. "So don't you tell me to calm down!"

"Ross, he didn't know!" Rachel had to shout to get his attention. "He didn't know she was pregnant, she found out a couple of days after he left."

"Oh my God. I can't even imagine what she's going through." Phoebe spoke for the first time, her usual bubbly personality gone. For once, she didn't have anything positive to say. Joey sat in silence, unable to speak. He felt so guilty, having talked to Chandler but not being able to tell the others. But he couldn't betray his best friends trust. They heard Monica's bedroom door click open and by the look on her face they could tell she had heard everything they had been saying.

"Guys, I really don't need you arguing right now. Theres enough going on without having to deal with you falling out over this." Rachel came over to comfort Monica but she had already retreated to her room by the time Rachel had come over. They all looked at eachother, silently agreeing that they would try not to get angry about all of this, for Monica's sake.

--

Monica walked out of her room, expecting to be alone but jumped when she noticed Ross sitting on the couch, deep in thought. She slowly made her way over and took a seat next to him.

"Hey." Her voice was almost inaudible, her voice croaky from crying so much. Ross looked up, surprised that she had spoken first.

"Hey." There was an awkward silence as they both racked their brains for something to say. Ross spoke first.

"Look, I'm really sorry about earlier Mon."

"Its okay." Tears sprung to her eyes once again. It was impossible now for her to even get through a conversation without bursting into tears. Ross put his arm round her comfortingly.

"No, its not okay. I shouldn't have yelled like that. Its not gonna fix anything, its not gonna bring Cha ..." He stopped abruptly, realising what he was about to say and stopping himself. He looked at Monica worriedly, unsure of what her reaction would be. When the tears started flowing faster he simply pulled her into a hug, the only thing he could think of that would make her feel even a tiny bit better. A few minutes later she spoke into his chest.

"I just hate it that I can's stop thinking about him. And that even at the mention of his name I breakdown. And I hate that I can't stop myself from feeling like this. I'm sorry." Ross hugged her tighter, waiting for her to calm down before he said anything to her.

"Mon, you don't have to be sorry. Its not your fault that you feel like this. And it'll just take time for you to feel better."

"But Ross, I don't know if I'll ever feel better. Its too hard. And I'm gonna have to go for sonograms and shop for the baby and ... and ..."

"Shh, its okay." He gently rocked her back and forth, trying with all that he had in him not to cry along with her. He hated seeing her like this, she was his little sister and he almost felt responsible for her. He felt that it was his job to make her feel better. And it killed him knowing that he couldn't do anything to make her feel better. So he sat in silence, just holding her and praying that she would be able to get over Chandler and go back to being the Monica that they all knew. But as the minutes ticked by and her tears still didn't subside, he was slowly losing hope.

"Mon?" He felt her mumble something against his chest and then look up at him so he took that as a sign to continue. "Would it ... Would it be okay if I came to your first sonogram with you?" As the tears started to cascade down her cheeks again, he regretted asking the question so soon after the conversation they had just had. "Oh my God Mon, I'm sorry. I ... I'm so sorry, that was really too soon."

"No it wasn't too soon Ross, of course you can come. It would mean a lot to me if you were there." A hint of a smile played on her lips, the first that Ross had seen in over a week. He pulled Monica into a hug again, this time for his own sake. He didn't dare let her see him cry, she couldn't see how much this was affecting everyone else. It would break her heart even more.

--

Chandler stretched out across the bed, forgetting for a moment that he was in a cold hotel room in Boston, and reached out to pull Monica into a hug just like he did every morning. But then he remembered where he was and the past week came rushing back to him. Once again he felt the warm tears dampen his face. This had to be a record for him, 7AM and he was already crying. He didn't know how much longer he could take this. He couldn't stop thinking about Monica. She filled his thoughts 24/7, every second of every day. He missed her so much. The cute way that she would tuck her hair behind her ear when she was nervous. The special smile that she reserved just for him. How she always laughed at his jokes, even if they weren't funny. He just missed everything about her.

He showered and then trudged down to get a bagel and coffee from the small cafe on the corner. He sat down at a table in the back, where no one would bother him, and flicked through the paper. When he reached the back page and scanned through the jobs he realised that he really should start looking for one. And he should also start looking for an apartment. He figured that if he was going to build a new life here then he really should start soon. He knew it was unlikely, but he hoped that if he kept himself busy then it may keep his mind off Monica and how much he needed her and missed her. He had to stop drowning himself in his own grief. It was time to start trying to put the pieces of his broken heart back together.

--

Monica stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her. She straightened up and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible, her face was almost white and she had dark circles under her eyes. She wasn't surprised though; she hadn't slept properly since Chandler left almost three weeks ago. She hadn't even begun to get over him yet. Sure she had tried, but it was impossible to just forget about him. She looked more closely in the mirror, something else was different but she couldn't figure out what it was. She stood for a few minutes trying to work out what it was, but then she noticed her eyes. They weren't as blue as usual, they looked almost cloudy now. They had lost the sparkle that they once had. She wiped away a tear that slid down her face and slowly made her way to her bedroom to get dressed, praying that one day she would be able to see her eyes shine again. But she knew that there was one person she desperately needed to be in her life to make that happen, and she doubted whether she would ever see him again.

"You okay Mon?" Ross squeezed her hand as they sat in the waiting room. She simply nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak. "Its gonna be okay. Everything gonna be fine." He pulled her into a hug, reassuring her that he was there for her.

"Monica Geller?" Monica jumped at the mention of her name and grabbed Ross's hand as they followed the nurse.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Perry." She smiled warmly at the two of them and shook their hands. "Can I assume you're the father?" She asked Ross as she closed the door.

"I'm her brother, Ross Geller." Doctor Perry looked at him, alarmed. "Oh no, no. I'm not the father. No, I just came along for support." He laughed nervously as a relieved look replaced the worried one on her face.

"Oh okay." She smiled at them again as she turned to Monica. "Make yourself comfortable." She motioned to the couch for Monica to lie on. She awkwardly lay down, never letting go of Ross's hand. As the nurse began to rub the jelly on Monica's stomach, Ross could tell she was close to tears already.

"You're gonna be fine Mon." He leant down to kiss her forehead as the sound of a heartbeat filled the room.

"Is that ... Is that my baby's heartbeat?" Monica whispered as tears began to leak our of her eyes.

"It is indeed, Miss Geller. And that ... " She pointed to a tiny spot on the screen "... is your baby."

"Oh my God." Monica buried her face in Ross's shoulder as she was overcome with tears.

"I'll give you two a moment alone, its an emotional time." Monica attempted to smile at the nurse as she walked out of the room.

"Can you believe it Mon, thats your baby." Ross fought back tears but couldn't help one slipping down his cheek. Monica shook her head, not trusting herself to speak again. She felt so guilty, she knew that she was crying for all the wrong reasons. She should be happy. But she wasn't. She wanted, no she _needed_ Chandler right now. She missed him more than anything at this moment in time, he should be here with her.

--

Monica walked out of the building in a daze. Ross had his arm wrapped around her shoulder, neither of them had said a word since they had come out of the doctors office. Ross was relieved more than anything, everything was fine with the pregnancy. Monica was 8 weeks along and both her and the baby were healthy. But he was so worried about her. She hadn't spoken since she had sat down in the waiting room. He couldn't really blame her though, she had so much to deal with right now and she was probably just overwhelmed.

They sat in silence the whole car journey home and Monica went straight to her room when they got in. She pulled Chandlers hoodie on again and hugged his pillow close as she let the tears fall fast once again. She couldn't believe that this was happening to her. What should have been the happiest month of her life had turned out to be the worst. The love of her life, the one person that she couldn't live without, had left her and now she was left pregnant with his baby. This all felt like some horrible nightmare. She wanted so much to wake up and find out that this was all a dream. She wanted to wake up in Chandlers arms, with a wedding ring on her finger and someone to comfort her throughout her pregnancy. Thats what her life should be like. Not this. She shouldn't be waking up everyday on a pillow drenched with tears and an ache in her heart, which hurt more everyday. Everytime she thought of Chandler her shattered heart broke a little more. No, none of this should be happening to her, none of this felt like it _was_ happening to her. She pulled the covers over her head and closed her eyes, trying to forget everything that was going on in her life right now. But she still held onto her broken heart, because sometimes it was the only thing she had that felt real.

**Okay, I know that so far this story has mostly been based around Monica, but thats just the way its turned out haha. I've put in small bits about Chandler just to let you know what he's been doing but I though it would be better to kind of base this about how Monica and the rest of them are coping. Tell me if you disagree or anything. There should be more about Chandler in the next few chapters :) I just don't feel theres as much to write about him right now. So please review and tell me what you think :D x**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so so sorry its been so long since i've updated, i really have no excuse, i'm just a super lazy person! This chapter takes place about a month after the last one. I'm gonna try and make Monica's pregnancy go quite quickly cos the good stuff comes after she's had the baby. And i mean really quickly haha, like all in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

**And this is for you Laurennnn! I finally did it haha :D I love you lotssssss (L)**

"Hey." Joey sighed as he answered the phone. Today was one of Monica's 'bad' days. She hadn't yet spoken to anyone and it was already almost noon. She just nodded or shook her head when someone asked her a question. Over the past month these days had come less often but every once in a while she would have days where she would just sit and stare into space, letting herself cry.

"Hey Joe." Great, Joey thought. He really didn't need to speak to Chandler right now. He hadn't called since the one time he had phoned to ask how Monica was.

"Whats up?" Joey filled the uncomfortable silence, failing to hide the anger in his voice.

"Look, I know I haven't called in over a month and I'm really sorry." Chandler held his breath, praying that Joey wouldn't hang up on him.

"Its ... okay. I was just worried about you ya' know?" Joey softened up, realising how much he missed his best friend.

"Yeah, and again I'm really sorry. So how have you been?"

"Fine, you?"

"Fine, I guess. I got an apartment. And a job."

"What?! That means your staying there."

"Yeah ... kinda stating the obvious there Joe." Chandler attempted a laugh but it came out as more of a cross between a cough and a grunt.

"I just ... I never really thought you would stay that long. I kinda figured you'd come back, eventually." Chandler sighed and ran his hands through his hair, not really knowing how to answer.

"I know, but I can't. I want to, but I can't."

"You keep saying that! But why can't you? Everyone wants you to. And you want to."

"Joey its not that easy."

"But it is!"

"Joey, its not."

"It is. _You're _the one who'smaking it difficult Chandler. If you would just stop being so God damn stubborn then it really could be easy. And you know it." With that, Joey hung up, overcome with a mixture of emotions. He was hurt, he was angry, he was upset. It was just too much to cope with.

Chandler sighed as he placed the phone down on the counter. Could it really be that easy? No, of course not. Because he had left for a reason. Why did he keep having to remind himself that? He had done this for Monica. Monica. He missed her so much. But he refused to let himself think about her. Because when he though about her he almost caved and went back to New York. He couldn't do that though, it would just make everything more difficult for all of them. Besides, he had a life here now. If he could really call it a life. He lived in a dingy one bedroom apartment with a tiny bathroom and small kitchen which led into an even smaller living room. He would get up, go to work, come home late, eat his microwave meal and then go to sleep. Not that his job tired him out, he had found a well paid position with an advertising agency which was pretty easy. It was better than his old job, but he still didn't enjoy it. He just went about his day to day business not really paying attention to anything or thinking about anything, almost as if he was in a constant daydream. It was easier that way. He wasn't reminded of the life he had left behind. And he was able to ignore the emptiness that he felt inside that wouldn't seem to go away. Of course it wouldn't go away though, he knew there was only one person who could make it go away. But he had screwed everything up.

--

Monica jumped up and ran into the bathroom as she was overcome with the familiar feeling of nausea. She was four months into the pregnancy and the morning sickness still hadn't stopped. As she leant over the toilet she felt a comforting hand rubbing her back and someone pull her hair out of her face.

"You ok?" Phoebe put her arm round Monica as she sat up.

"When did you get here?"

"Well just a minute ago. And I heard you in the bathroom, so I thought I would offer some support." She smiled at Monica and got the hint of one back from her. There was silence for a few moments as the two of them just sat thinking.

"You know you didn't have to do that." Monica's voice was barely above a whisper as she broke the silence.

"I know. But i wanted to. I've been through this and i know what it feels like. Plus, you look like you could use a lot of support right now." She pulled Monica into a hug as she noticed the tears threatening to escape. She felt the dampness against her shoulder and pulled away so that she could wipe away her friend's tears. "But you know what? At least you get to keep your baby. I mean, I know i still get to see the triplets but its not the same. When this is all over, you're gonna get a baby. A baby who you're gonna love so much that ... that ... you know what? I can't even describe how much you're gonna love that baby. You can't even comprehend how much your gonna love him or her." She looked at Monica and noticed that she looked guilty. "Hey, whats wrong?"

"I've been so unbelievably selfish. I wasn't even thinking about the baby, i've been so caught up with missing ... him that i didn't even think about the baby."

"Honey, its okay. I know how hard this has been for you." Monica simply nodded as she put a hand on the bump that was just beginning to form and a single tear ran down her cheek.

"I need to stop thinking about Ch-Chandler. And just focus on myself and the baby." Phoebe simply pulled her friend into a hug, sensing that her statement needed no answer.

Monica buried her face in Phoebe's shoulder, she wouldn't let herself cry over him any more. He had caused her four months of tears and she wasn't going to let him hold onto her anymore. She was stronger than that. She had to be strong, for her baby. So she came to a decision - she wouldn't let herself think about Chandler, it was the only way to stop him from consuming every single second of her life.

--

"Rach! Rach!" Monica ran into her best friends room - she had moved back into the appartment since Chandler had left.

"Mon?! Whats the matter?"

"Nothing, just come and feel this." Rachel got out of bed and stumbled over to Monica who was standing at the door.

"Geez Mon, its like 3 in the morning," She rubbed her eyes as she tried to waken herself up. "What's so important that you had to wake me up in the middle of the night for?" Monica said nothing but simply smiled at her friend and took her hand which she placed on her now visible bump.

"Can you feel that?" She whispered, looking at Rachel's face for a reaction.

"Oh my God." Rachels mouth spread into a wide grin as she looked up at Monica. "Its amazing honey."

"I know." She fought back the tears that threatened to escape as the layed her hand on her belly and felt her baby kicking.

"Aw come here sweetie, its okay to cry. You've been so strong this past month." She pulled Monica into a hug and let her cry softly onto her shoulder.

Monica didn't fully understand why she was crying. All she knew was that all of this was totally overwhelming her. She was incredibly greatful to Rachel for being so supportive, but she couldn't help wishing that she was in Chandler's arms, and that her tears were tears of pure happiness. She wished that she was able to forget about Chandler and that the ache in her heart would disappear. She had been doing so well not thinking about him, but it was so hard. It was so hard going through this alone. Of course she had her friends, but it wasn't the same. When she was younger, and she used to picture having a baby it always involved going through it with the man she loved. Getting excited about naming the baby, laughing over the stupid names, cuddling on the sofa with baby books sharing their hopes and fears about the future. Instead she had none of that. She had to lie in bed at night on her own, worrying about bringing up a child on her own, worrying about being a good mother, worrying about the birth. And she had never felt more alone.

--

"Hey Mon." Ross walked into the appartment and walked over to Monica who was putting groceries into the fridge, pulling her into a hug, "Hey baby." He addressed her stomach, making Monica smile. Ross picked up the jar of pickles and bottle of ketchup that were in one of the bags, laughing as he looked at Monica,

"Still on the pickles and ketchup, huh?"

"Yeah," She laughed, grabbing them off him, "Don't judge me, its the baby!" She finished putting the groceries away and got a bottle of water for herself and Ross out of the fridge and sitting down at the table.

"So, third trimester Mon. Almost there! How are you feeling?" He looked over at her and was surprised to find she had tears in her eyes. It had been a long time since he had seen her cry, she'd been doing so well. He reached over and grasped her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Scared, mostly. I feel totally unprepared. I don't have anything ready, and i'm gonna look after a baby all on my own." She looked up at Ross, unsure of what to do or say next. She'd never told anyone how scared she was, and it felt good to tell someone.

"Mon, we're all gonna be here for you, we're all gonna help you through it. And i'll go shopping with you and help you pick out suff for the baby. You're not gonna have to do this alone." He got up so that he could hug her, waiting for her to say something.

"Thanks Ross. It's just really hard, you know? I mean of course i'm excited, i can't wait to have a baby. But i never pictured myself going through it like this."

"Yeah i understand completely Mon, i just want you to know that i'll give you as much help as you need. And that i'm here for you, we all are."

"Thanks. Oh and could you please come with me for my 30 week scan?"

"Sure, i'll take the day off."

She leaned against him, thankful that her brother was being supportive. She honestly didn't know if she would have been able to cope without him, he really had acted like a substitute for Chandler; coming to all her appointments with her and putting up with all her weird cravings.

"Thanks for being here Ross."

"No problem, thats what big brothers are for."

--

"Aww Mon look at this! How aborable!" Rachel ran over to her, a cute pair of pink dungarees in her hand.

"Rach! I've told you, i'm not buying too many clothes right now, i don't even know the sex of the baby yet!" She took the dungarees out of her friends hand and laughed as she hung them back up.

"But Mon, look at them!"

"I know Rach, but you've said that about the past 10 outfits you've picked up! And we've got to draw the line somewhere." She grabbed Rachels hand and pulled her away, walking over to look at the cribs."

"Aww Mon, you _have _to get this!" She pointed to an adorable little white crib with pale yellow bedding and a coloured pattern running up the side.

"Oh my God, thats the one! Its so adorable Rach!"

"I know! Now lets go look at the prams ..." She ran off, leaving Monica to half walk half waddle along behind her. She was at 37 weeks now and couldn't move very fast to say the least.

"Rach, hold on!" She had almost caught up with her, but stopped as she passed a changing table which exactly matched the crib they had just chosen out. "Come here! We have _got _to get this too!" Rachel ran back and gasped as she saw what Monica was pointing at.

"Oh my God, we do! Its perfect! I can't wait for the others to see all the stuff we've chosen!"

"Me neither! Oh by the way, where are the others? I thought Pheebs wanted to come? And last month Ross said he would take me."

"Oh umm, they were pretty vague ... just said they had to, umm, go somewhere." Monica looked at Rachel skeptically but she rushed away to look at the prams before Monica could ask any more questions. Monica just followed after her, smiling to herself. She was going to be fine.

--

"Wow, i'm beat." Monica flopped down on the sofa, Rachel following after her. She wrinkled her nose and sniffed a few times. "Why does the appartment smell like paint?"

"Follow me." Rachel took her hand and pulled her up, walking over to Rachel's room.

"SURPRISE!" Phoebe, Joey and Ross were all standing there in overalls, covered in paint but grinning like idiots. They had painted the room a pale yellow colour and put a border round the top with different coloured spots on it. Rachel ran around the room, pointing out where everything could go.

"And look! We can out the crib here! And the changing table here! And then you can still keep the wardrobe in the corner here!" Monica simply stood by the door, a hand covering her mouth.

"You guys." Monica walked over to them and attempted to pull all four of them into a hug as she fought back tears. "I can't believe you did this. Its amazing, i love it." There were a mixture of 'Your welcome' and 'Its alright' and 'We love you' as the five of them stood in the middle of the room clinging to eachother, Monica standind in the middle of the huddle.

"What was that?!" Joey exclaimed as the rest of them jumped back.

"Oh my God. I think my water just broke." Monica looked around at the others, panic evident in her eyes. She wasn't ready for this, she needed more time. She needed reassurance that everything was going to be okay. She needed Chandler.

**Finally done with this chapter. I've kinda written it a few paragraphs at a time so let me know if it doesn't make sense! Please review, they make me smile :)**


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks so much for all the reviews, i love them, they encourage me to keep writing (:_

_Hope you enjoy this chapter, it gets more exciting now._

"I can't do it anymore!" Monica gripped Rachel's hand, her knuckles going white.

"Yes you can Mon, almost there." Rachel winced in pain as Monica gripped her hand tighter as she continued to push, "Keep going honey, you're doing great."

"Rach, i can't." Monica lay her head down on the pillow and wiped away the tears that were fighting to escape.

"Monica, look at me. You _can_ do this. You're being so strong and i'm so proud of you." Rachel wiped Monica's hair out of her face and turned to the midwife, wanting some back up.

"Okay, i can see the head now. One big push, you can do it." Monica gripped Rachel's hand again, using the last ounce of strength she had in her, before they heard the baby's cries filling the room.

"Congratulations! Say hello to your baby girl."

"Oh my God." Tears started to flow freely down Monica's face as the midwife placed the baby in her arms.

"Oh wow, she's beautiful Mon! I've got go and tell the others!" Rachel ran out of the room, followed by the midwife who said she would give Monica a few moments alone.

"Hey baby. I love you. I love you so much." She bent her head to kiss her on the nose, amazed at how much love she felt. She sat for a few moments, just drinking in the sight of her. _Her baby. _She finally had a baby. Finally, after so many years of longing and heartache, she had a baby. There was still one thing missing though. "I wish you're Daddy was here." Monica whispered softly, not bothering to wipe away the tears now that were falling freely onto the bed.

--

"Oh my God, Monica. She's so beautiful." Ross was the first to enter the room, followed by Phoebe, Joey and Rachel. They all cooed over the baby, offering their congratulations to Monica.

"Oooh, do you have a name yet?!" Phoebe asked excitedly, silently hoping that Monica had picked up the several hints she's been dropping the past few months and would name the baby Phoebe.

"Yeah," Monica whispered, her eyes glued on her baby's face, "Hannah Sophia."

"Aww, Mon, thats gorgeous. Hannah Sophia Geller, it has a nice ring to it." Rachel ran a finger down Hannah's face, smiling.

"No, umm, actually its Hannah Sophia Bing." Monica looked around at the shocked faces, no one knowing what to say. She knew they wouldn't have expected it, but she didn't think they would react like this. Ross looked angry, like he was fighting back the urge to shout at her. "What? Guy's, please say something."

"Umm, okay, if thats what you want." Joey looked round at the others, shrugging when Ross gave him a look as if to ask what the hell he was doing agreeing with her.

"Look, we can't just pretend that Chandler had nothing to do with this." They all glanced at eachother at the mention of Chandler's name, having not heard Monica say it out loud in almost 9 months. "Its his baby too. And even if he doesn't know he has a baby, she deserves to have his name. I want her to have his name." She wiped away more tears that were beginning to run down her face, silently cursing herself for crying over him _again_, something she swore she wouldn't do.

"Honey, we understand." Rachel glared at Ross after he gave her the same look that he'd given Joey. "Do you want us to leave you for a few minutes."

Monica nodded, but called Rachel back after the others had left the room. "I wanted to ask you something."

"What hon?" Rachel perched herself on the edge of the bed and put an arm round Monica to steady herself.

"Would you be Hannah's godmother?" Monica looked up at her worriedly, as if she thought she might say no.

"Oh my God, i would love to!" Both of their faces broke into a smile as they attempted to hug but laughed when they realised Hannah was getting in the way.

"Can i hold her?" Monica carefully put the baby into Rachel's arms, never once taking her eyes off her, and looking deep in thought. "What you thinking about?"

Monica hesitated before answering. "Him." Rachel didn't have to ask who, she knew immediately. "I miss him so much." It broke Rachel's heart to see her best friend in so much pain again, she'd thought that Monica was past this stage, and she didn't know what to say to make her feel better anymore. She couldn't tell her that everything would be alright, because she wasn't even sure of that herself.

--

Monica's eyes sprung open at the first sounds of Hannah stirring in her crib at the end of Monica's bed. She was only a month old so Monica didn't feel ready to have her sleeping in her own room yet.

"Shh sweetie, its okay." She lifted Hannah out of the crib and took her over to her bed. She knew she shouldn't get into the habit of letting Hannah sleep in her bed, but it was a comfort to her as well, knowing that Hannah was safe. Her daughter was all she really had now. Of course she had her friends and her brother, but that somehow wasn't enough. She needed Chandler more than ever now. She had kept telling herself that over time it would get easier having to live without him, and for a while she really believed that it was. The truth was that it never really did get easier, she had just been kidding herself. She couldn't live without him. And a part of her always believed that he would come back someday, but it had been over ten months now and still no one had heard from him. She prayed he was okay. Sure, she was mad at him, and deeply hurt that he had just left, but she still loved him. Did he still love her? Probably not, otherwise why would he have left?

--

Chandler bent his head against the icy New York wind and ran up the steps to his apartment. Once in the door he flopped down onto the couch, staring at the phone. Should he do it? They would probably be pretty mad, but he needed to do this. He dialed the number and then put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Joey, its me." _(a/n. LOL bet you all thought it would be Monica, i'm evil. And i totally just ruined the mood of this chapter. Oh weeell.) _He held his breath as he waited for an answer.

"Oh. You do know its been like, i don't even know how many months since you've called." Chandler could hear the anger rising in his friend's voice, just like the last time he called.

"Yeah i know. I'm sorry. Really sorry. I just wanted to let you know that i'm back in New York ..."

"You're what?!" Joey's voice rose about an octave.

"Joe, let me finish. New York _state_, not New York city. I'm in Albany."

"Oh right. Why?"

"I got transferred for work." There was an awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say. "I just wanted to give you my number, so that, you know ... just incase something ... happened and you needed to reach me. It'll probably be on caller ID or whatever." He once again held his breath, wondering if Joey would be mad at him for calling up like this out of the blue and just giving his number.

"Okay, thanks. At least i can reach you now. Look man," His voice softened, "I've missed you. And don't get me wrong, i'm still _unbelievably _mad at you, but it wouldn't hurt if i was just able to call every once in a while to see how you are. If thats okay?"

"Yeah, i would like that. I've missed you too. But you've got to believe me when i say i can't come back." Joey sighed and waited a moment before answering.

"I know, and i've given up on trying to figure it out." Another silence followed. "Well, i've gotta go now. So take care."

"Yeah you too. Bye." Chandler hung up laying his head back against the couch and closing his eyes. When did this situation get so complicated? He was supposed to leave and that would be it. But it wasn't that easy. It was too hard to forget.

--

Monica's eyes fluttered open and she glanced at the clock beside her bed. 3:51 AM. Her body had tuned itself to wake up this time most nights, the time when Hannah usually began to stir and needed feeding. But something was different. The room was too still, too quiet. Monica's heart began to beat faster as she pushed the covers off and went over to Hannah's crib. She bent down to kiss her on the forehead, but stopped midway when she realised something. She wasn't breathing.

_Wow, cliffhanger much?! Hannah's not dead, just to let you know. I'm not __**that**__ cruel. I think theres some condition babies get where they can stop breathing. Sorry if i've got any details wrong :S And i know its sort of a coincidence that Chandler called right before that happened buuut, this is a fanfic, it doesn't have to be **too **realistic!  
_

_Soooo, do you see where i'm going with this? Please leave a review, they make me smile (:_

_(Thanks, bingsrule for pointing out my mistake - my geography is crap and i live in the UK so i'm not too good with with all the states and cities! Anyways, i changed it.)  
_


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks so much for all the reviews on the last chapter! Heres chapter 7, hope you like it :)_

"Oh God, Hannah. Baby please wake up. Please." Monica ran through to Rachel and Joey's with Hannah in her arms (Can't remember if i mentioned that Rachel had moved back in with Joey?).

"Rach! Joey!" She was almost hysterical by this point, tears streaming down her face. Rachel was the first one out of her bedroom, the breath almost being knocked out of her at the sight of Monica standing in the middle of the room with a limp Hannah in her arms.

"Oh my God. Honey, just stay calm. I'm calling 911 right now." Within minutes she'd been informed that an ambulance was on its way.

"Rach, i can't lose her. I can't." Rachel let the tears finally fall now at the sight of her best friend holding her baby close like she was the only thing she had left, looking more broken even than when Chandler had left. And she could do nothing more than pull her into a hug and let her cry onto her shoulder, unable to think of anything to say that would be of any comfort to Monica.

"Guys? Whats wro ... " Joey gasped when he saw the sight in his living room but didn't have time to react, for at that moment the buzzer went. Rachel raced over and buzzed them in, not wasting any time to make sure that it was actually the paramedics.

"Honey, they're here now. Everythings gonna be fine." But before Monica had a chance to answer, the paramedics came through the door and straight over to her, carefully lifting Hannah out of her arms.

"Mrs Geller, please follow us down to the ambulance. It seems like your baby is suffeing from apnoea, which is fairly common in young babies. I'm sure she'll be fine, but we need to get her to hospital as soon as possible." Monica simply nodded as Rachel took her hand and led her downstairs after the two men.

"Joey? .." Rachel paused and turned to look at him.

"I'll call Phoebe and Ross and then we'll get a cab to the hospital and meet you there." Rachel nodded and then hurried Monica out of the apartment and down the stairs where they were both allowed to ride in the waiting ambulance.

--

Ross was first to burst through the doors of the hospital, almost falling over Rachel who was waiting for him just inside the entrance. He was closely followed by Joey and Phoebe, who immediately began bombarding Rachel with questions.

"Guys, guys. Hannah's fine. Well not fine, but they managed to get her breathing again so now they're just needing to keep an eye on her. Monica's with her just now, and she's pretty shaken so i think we should just leave her for now." The other three nodded, also clearly shaken about what had happened. Monica had dealt with enough, it just wasnt fair that she had to go through this as well.

"It just doesn't seem fair. She doesn't deserve this." Rachel accepted the hug Ross offered as she finally let all her emotion out. She had done her best to be strong for Monica all this time, but it was taking its toll on her as well. She loved her so much, and it was killing her as well, having to see Monica go through this much heartache. She didn't deserve it. Not one bit.

"She'll pull through. She's strong." Ross rubbed Rachel's back as he tried to comfort her.

"Yeah i know. It still doesn't make it right though." She continued to cry onto his shoulder, lifting her head when Ross nudged her and she turned round to see Monica walking towards them. She attempted to dry her eyes and erase all the signs of her recent emotional outburst, but she stopped. Monica knew her well enough to know that she had been crying. As she got closer, she could tell that Monica too had been crying, a lot.

"Honey, come here." She closed the gap between the two of them, and wrapped her arms tightly around her. They didn't need to say anything, both just silently comforting eachother. Both just really needing their best friend right now. Phoebe wiped a tear from her own cheek as she watched the two of them. She didn't feel jealousy, as some people would. She was glad they had eachother, she knew that Monica wouldn't have been able to cope if she hadn't had Rachel. And she was so proud of Rachel, they had all seen a different side to her. A thoughtful, maternal and caring side that had helped Monica so much throughout the past year.

"Thankyou." Monica whispered in Rachel's ear, softly, so no one else could hear. "I love you. So much."

--

The others had all left Monica and Rachel together, feeling almost like they were interrupting the two friends. Joey then looked out the window and quickly jumped up, mumbling something about being hungry. No one bothered to stop him, it was so like Joey to be hungry even at a time like this.

"Hey." Joey walked out the front entrance of the hospital, tears filling his eyes as he saw the man in front of him.

"Hi." Chandler stopped in front of Joey, unsure what to do. But in true Joey-style he pulled Chandler into a massive bear hug.

"Dude, i am so, SO mad .." Chandler cut him off mid-sentence, filled with panic when he remembered where he was.

"I know. But look, why am I here? Whats wrong? Is it Monica?" Chandler was finding it heard to catch his breath by now, knowing that he wouldnt be able to live with hmself if anything had happened to Monica.

"No, Mon's fine. But no one else knows i called you. So you can't let them know you're here. Just, i can't tell you anything right now. Follow me."

"Okay, but why? Who is it then?" Chandler ran a hand through his hair, fighting tears.

"Just come with me, okay? Trust me on this. " Joey looked Chandler in the eyes for the first time and was shocked at how much pain he saw. He had obviously been hurting a hell of a lot. More than Joey had realised.

"Sure, okay." Chandler said, more softly this time, as he followed Joey. When he looked down he noticed that his hands were shaking.

--

"Right, heres the room. I'm just gonna leave you to it, okay? I think you'll need time for it to sink in." Joey wondered if what he was doing was wrong. But Chandler deserved to know, he had a right to know.

"Joey, you're kinda freaking me out."

"Just go in." Chandler opened the door slowly and walked in, noticing that Joey made his way down the corridor, leaving Chandler completely on his own.

He gasped when he noticed that there was in fact a baby in the room. Shocked at the fact that she had been left on her own, he realised Joey must have deliberately had whoever was in the room leave before he got there.

He walked over to the small crib and looked at the tiny baby girl lying in it. She was beautiful. And then he looked at the chart above the bed and he could swear his heart stopped in his chest.

Hannah Bing.

And then he noticed her eyes. And he knew it must be true. She had the most amazing blue eyes he had ever seen. The same amazing blue as the person who made his heart ache everytime he thought of her. The person who he missed every second of every day, with every ounce of his soul. He heard someone take a sharp intake of breath and his head snapped up, looking towards the door where the noise had come from, and his eyes were met with those same beautiful blue eyes.

_Thats it folks, another cliffhanger! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, i really enjoyed writing it. I know its shorter than the rest but i felt it was a good place to stop. Please leave a review, they make me smile._


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks so, so much for the reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter :D Haha, 2 updates in 2 days is a first for me, but i have heaps of time in between revision and i didn't want to keep you guys waiting too long! :)_

Monica lifted a shaky hand to hold onto the door frame and steady herself. This couldn't be real. But sure enough, there he was. Chandler. Her Chandler. Neither of them said a word, not trusting themselves to speak. He took a step towards her, and before her brain had time to register what was happening, she was taking a step towards him, both of them slowly closing the gap. Soon enough, they were close enough that if one of them reached out, they would be able to touch the other. This felt totally surreal, even just being this close to him made Monica's heart beat faster in her chest and caused her breathing to increase. She had to break his gaze, she was afraid her eyes would give away too much. That had always been one of Chandler's gifts, he was able to tell exactly what she was thinking with one look into her eyes.

She gasped as she felt his finger under her chin, tilting her face upwards so she was once again looking into his eyes. She was surprised to see unshed tears threatening to escape, and the intensity of his gaze made her breath catch in her throat. She had gone over this moment so many times in her head, a part of her always knowing that he would come back. But nothing could have prepared her for what he did next.

He placed his hand gently on the back of her head and wrapped the other round her waist and pulling her close, placing his lips on hers. She didn't have time to think, she simply snaked her arms round his neck, running her fingers through his hair as she melted into the kiss. She pressed her body against his, wanting to be as close as possible to him, needing to be close to him. Surely it wasn't possible to have missed someone this much. He lightly ran his tongue along her lips, and she parted them, granting him entry. This was better than she could have ever imagined. She had tried so many times to tell herself that she didn't need him, that she could live without him, but she couldn't have been more wrong.

But then she heard a soft cry coming from the corner of them room, and came crashing back to reality. She pushed him away, removing his hands from where they were clasped around her waist.

"Get out." She whispered softly, barely audible as tears began to run down her face.

"What? Look Mon ..." Chandler took a step towards her holding his hand out but recoiling again when she took another step back.

"I said get out." She ran a hand through her hair as she finally brought her eyes up to meet his. "I can't do this."

It killed her to watch him go, wiping his eyes as he made his way along the corridor. Before, she hadn't thought it was possible for her heart to break any more, but God, was she wrong. And it took every ounce of strength she had in her not to run after him and throw herself into his arms, where she belonged.

--

Joey jumped out from behind the corner, startling Chandler.

"Whoa, what happened man?" He looked genuinely concerned as he noticed Chandler's expression and the tear staines on his cheeks.

"I can't deal with this." He tried to walk round Joey, but he put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Chandler. What happened?"

"She told me to get out." His voie was barely audible, and Joey had to strain to hear him.

"But she's only like a month old dude." In any other curcumstance Chandler would have found Joey's lack of brain cells funny, but not today.

"Oh God, i'd forgotton. Jesus, how did this happen?"

"Look man, start from the beginning, what _exactly_ happened when you went in?"

--

Rachel had followed Monica up to Hannah's room about 10 minutes later, and gasped when she found Monica slumped in a chair in the corner of the room, her body shaking with sobs.

"Oh God, is Hannah okay?!" But she looked over to the crib and saw her chest slowly rising and falling as she slept. Monica looked up, trying to catch her breath as she attempted to try and explain to Rachel what had just happened, still trying to get her own head round it.

"He ... Chandler ... here ... kissed me." She collapsed back into the chair as she was overcome with sobs once again.

"Whoa, slow down. Chandlers here?" She knelt beside Monica, rubbing circles on her back, and noticed that she nodded. "I swear to God, if i see that man ..."

"Rachel please." Monica wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, trying once again to regain her composure. "Please don't. Just stay here, i really need you right now."

"Yeah, sorry hon. I'm just so mad at him, is all. I mean, look at what he's doing to you."

"Rach, don't. Please." She buried her face in her hands, willing the tears to stop flowing so fast. So much for never crying over him again.

"Mon, can you just try and tell me what happened." Rachel tilted Monica's chin up with her finger, just as Chandler had done, and Monica broke down again. "I just want to help you. Please." Monica nodded and looked up at her friend, her eyes full of concern, and took a deep breath before speaking.

"I came up to check on Hannah, and then i got here and Chandler was just standing in the room." Rachel gasped, but then squeezed Monica's hand, encouraging her to keep going. "And neither of us said anything, we just looked at eachother for what seemed like an eternity. Then he started walking towards me, and it was as if my brain wasn't functioning properly, he seems to have that effect on me. And then he was kissing me, and i was kissing him back. It was so perfect." By this point her tears had subsided and she was staring off into space, reliving the kiss. Rachel put a hand on her knee and she jumped, looking back at Rachel.

"Oh my God," Rachel breathed, "And then what happened."

"I-I told him to get out." Monica broke down into sobs again, realising that she could have potentially just ruined any chance she might have had at fixing anything. "I just couldn't cope. It was too much. He can't expect to just kiss me and make everything go away. He can't erase this past year."

"Honey, I know. You know what? You need to talk to him." She wrapped an arm around Monica, allowing her to lean her head against her shoulder.

"Yeah but what the hell am i supposed to say? Rach, he broke me. In so many ways that i didn't think were possible. I'm not even the same person i was a year ago. So much has happened." Rachel felt Monica's tears begin to soke through her t-shirt. But she couldn't say anything, because Monica was completely right. She had changed. They all had. And it was impossible to go back to the way things were. Monica was obviously thinking the same. "I mean, what does he expect? That i'm just gonna forgive him, and we can go back to how we were? Because that's not gonna happen. I can't do that." These last few words came out as a whisper as the tears began to flow faster.

"Mon, you just have to ask yourself one thing." Rachel continued to rub her friends back, finding comfort herself also.

"What's that?" Monica sniffed as she looked up at Rachel. She took a few moments to answer, not trusting herself to speak after seeing just how much pain was evident in Monica's eyes. So much more than when he had first left.

"Do you still love him?" Monica nodded slowly, reaching up to hold onto her engagement ring which was hanging on a chain round her neck.

"Yes. With all of my heart."

"Then i think you have your answer." She wrapped her arms around Monica, finally allowing herself to cry as well. This was going to be a rollercoaster ride for all of them.

--

Monica walked along the corrider and turned the corner, stopping in her tracks when she saw Joey and Chandler sitting on the chairs. Chandler was bent over with his head in his hands, and Joey had a hand on his shoulder, staring off into space. She cleared her throat and both heads immediately snapped round. Chandler wiped his eyes hastily when he saw Monica but stopped when he saw that she too was crying.

"Mon, i'm so, so ..." She held up a hand and cut him off. He looked at her, silently asking what was going on. She shot Joey a look and he got up and swiftly walked down the corridor in the other direction. She went and sat down in a chair next to Chandler, absentmindedly fingering the ring round her neck, as both of them sat in silence. She managed to resist the urge to throw her arms round his neck and kiss him again, because even though she still loved him, he had completely broken the trust that she had in him. He had left without a trace, leaving no note, no goodbye. But it was obvious he still loved her too, it was obvious from that kiss. She could feel it. But that didn't mean she was going to forgive him. For so long he was her best friend, and the love of her life. She had never thought he was capable of hurting her. Obviously she was wrong, because now her heart was in pieces and she didn't even know how to start trying to piece them back together yet.

"We really need to talk."

_Okay, __**another**__ cliffhanger, kinda haha! I seem to like them :) Hope you enjoy this chapter, its been my favourite to write so far :D Please leave a review, they encourage me to get off my ass and write!_

_I probably won't manage an update until next weekend, but i'll try my hardest. :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm so glad you're all enjoying it :] Heres the next part. _

"We need to talk." Monica spoke first, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, we really do." Chandler awkwardly played with a loose thread on his sweater, whilst focusing on a spot on the floor.

"Why?" Chandler couldn't even look at Monica, he could tell by her voice that she was holding back tears. And he knew that if he looked at her he wouldnt be able to hold it together.

"Why what?"

"Why did you leave? Why did you come back? Why didn't you say goodbye? Why ... everything." She glanced at him and caught his eye but quickly looked away again. He took a deep breath before answering.

"I left because i was scared. The Bings marriages _never_ work out, ever. And i couldn't do that to you. I love you too much to put you through that, and i could never have lived with myself if i had hurt you. And i would have ended up hurting ..."

"Well you ended up hurting me anyway. A hell of a lot. How do you think i felt when Ross told me you had gone? I was supposed to be marrying you that night. And you just took off. No goodbye, no note."

"Well i did ..."

"I'm not finished yet. Sure you left a note, 'Tell Monica I'm sorry.' You know it really would have been better if you hadn't left a note at all. Do you even have any idea how much it hurt that you couldn't even leave **me** a not saying that you were sorry and that you loved me? I wouldn't have cared that you didn't give a reason. Just to know. To know that you loved me." She trailed off, and Chandler could tell that she was now crying.

"Monica, i thought you knew i loved you. I really did."

"Yeah, i thought i knew as well. But if you loved me then why did you leave?"

"I left because i loved you. I did it for you."

"Don't give me that crap. How could you have possibly thought that this would have helped me?" She wiped away the tears angrily, she hated the fact that she was crying over him yet again.

"Because, i knew that in time i would have ended up hurting you. So i left before i had a chance. I guess i never really thought it through. I'm, i'm so sorry." He finally looked her in the eye and let a tear roll down his cheek. He had tried to so hard over the past year to tell himself that she would be fine without him. So much so that he had actually started to believe it. But one look into her eyes told him that he had been lying to himself. With one look he could tell that she was going through hell right now. And he knew that he would never be able to forgive himself for doing that to her.

"Yeah, you really didn't. I was so scared. I didn't even know if you were alive or not." She closed her eyes now and looked away, the intensity of his gaze and the pain in his eyes was too much.

"I'm so, so sorry. I was an idiot, i know i was. And if i could go back i would never have left. I would have been there for you and Hannah." She turned to look at him again.

"Its too late now though, we cant go back. I ... I want you to be a part of Hannah's life though. If you want to." She turned to face him, finally locking eyes with him.

"I would love that." He reached out and took her hand in his but she pulled away, sighing.

"This doesnt mean i forgive you. But Hannah deserves to have her father in her life."

"I know, it'll take time. I truly am sorry Monica."

"You've said that Chandler, and i believe you, i just ... its too complicated." Another tear rolled down her face and when Chandler reached out and took her hand again, she didnt pull away this time.

"Try and explain, please." He softly rubbed circles on the back of her hand with his thumb, the simple contact making her skin tingle.

"Its just ... you hurt me. So much. You changed me. And i just can't forgive you, not yet. I'm still hurting. Some days are better than others, but i honestly don't think you realise how much you affected me by leaving. You had my heart, and you had my trust, and when you left it just felt like you stomped all over everything, like you didn't care." She stopped talking, and looked at her lap. He put his index finger under her chin again and tilted it up. "Don't. Don't kiss me again. It'll only make this harder."

"I'm not going to Mon, don't worry. But i want you to know that even though it makes no sense now, i truly thought i was helping you by leaving. I wasn't going to become the Bings. I couldn't become the Bings."

"Couldn't you just have taken a chance though. We would have been different. We would have been the ones to change that. And what hurts the most is knowing that you weren't willing to even give us a chance, you just gave up so easily."

"Mon, i don't know any other way to explain this to you. I would never have left if i knew i would cause this much pain. I hate myself right now. I hate the fact that i missed your pregnancy, i hate that i broke your heart, i hate that i put you through so much pain and i wasn't even there to comfort you. I hate that you thought i didn't love you anymore." He let go of her hand so that he could lean forward and put his head in his hands, tears rolling down his face now.

Monica couldn't speak, she didn't know what to say. She could tell that he was truly sorry, and that he too was going through hell. And she wanted to be able to forgive him and to be able to trust him again, but right now she couldn't. They still had so much to work out and so much they still needed to talk about. But looking at Chandler now, she finally realised something; he had not only broken her heart, he had broken his own heart as well by leaving. That was how much he had truly thought he had been helping her by not becoming the Bings. And it broke her heart a little more.

"I need some air," She sighed as she wiped the tears from her face. "We're not done though. I just .. I just can't cope with all this right now."

Chandler briefly looked up to watch her go and then buried his face in his hands again. What the hell had he done? He had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. And right now, all those stupid reason's he had had for leaving a year ago seemed unbelievably stupid and insignificant. He honestly couldnt think of any reason which was important enough to throw away what he and Monica had. She was right, they would have changed the meaning of the Bings. They would have been the ones to make a Bing marriage work. Living in the past did no good though, and right there and then, he made a promise to himself; he was going to do whatever it takes to win back Monica's trust. He wasn't going to throw everything away for a second time. He knew his heart wouldn't be able to go through losing her again.

_Kay, i know that not much happened in that chapter, just like conversation between them. But its 11pm and i'm shattered so i'll write more tomorrow and try my hardest to get another chapter up this weekend. Please leave a review :]_


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks so much for the reviews :) This story's nearly done, only like 1 or 2 chapters left after this one, and maybe an epilogue if people want one :)_

_Oh and BluEyes, thanks for the grammar tips, I'll try and work on it!_

Monica pushed the doors open and breathed in deeply when she felt the light wind that was outside. She slumped down into one of the benches and put her head in her hands. She knew it would be difficult seeing him again, but she didn't know it would be **this** difficult. All the feelings that she'd spent the past year trying to bury deep down inside all just came rushing back. So quickly. Except this time they came back stronger than ever, if that was possible. And she couldn't fight them, she was trying to but she couldn't. She knew she shouldn't forgive him, she knew she shouldn't trust him again so soon, but right now, seeing him here, all the reasons for not forgiving him seemed so insignificant. She loved him, so much. She knew they couldn't go back to how they were before he left, but wasn't it at least worth a try? Her thoughts were interrupted when Rachel came and sat next to her.

"Hey you." She put an arm round Monica's shoulder, "So ... I just spoke to Chandler."

"Oh no. Please tell me you're kidding. Did you yell at him?" She turned to face Rachel, her eyes showing how scared she was that Rach might have said something to scare him off.

"No, don't worry." Monica gave her a look, "Well I was gonna, but then i noticed how ... how broken he looked. And I couldn't bring myself to do it. He's been through hell Mon."

"I know. And I want to forgive him, I really do. It kills me to see him like that." She sighed and looked at the ground before continuing, "But I've been through hell too Rach. And I know, that if he ever hurt me like that again, if I ever lost him again, I don't think I would be able to cope. Not a second time. And this time it's so much more complicated. I have Hannah to think about. I can't just make my decisions based on what I want, I've got to think about her as well." A tear trickled down her face as she trailed off, her voice barely above a whisper now.

"Honey, I completely understand, but can I just say one thing?" Monica nodded before wiping away more tears and looking up at Rachel, "I honestly don't think Chandler would put himself through that again either. I believe him when he said he was doing it for you." Monica looked up at her angrily. "I didn't say I agreed that it was the right thing to do, but I'm saying that at the time, he honestly thought he was doing the right thing. I have no clue what the hell was going through his mind that made him think that, but I really do trust him when he says that he did it for you." She turned to Monica again, wondering what her reaction to this would be. At first anger flashed through her eyes again, but it soon vanished and was replaced with sadness and hurt once again.

"Thats what's making this so much harder for me. I believe him too, totally and completely one hundred percent. But i can't admit to myself that I do, if that makes any sense. I don't want to be the person who forgives their fiancee **this** quickly after he took off without saying goodbye and only came back a year later. I really don't. But it's like my heart versus my head right now. And I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of trying to stop myself from loving him, and I'm tired of all the decisions I have to make." She buried her face in her hands once again, not even bothered that she was crying over him for about the millionth time.

"Then stop fighting it hon, that's all I can say. Follow you're heart. If you keep resisting then it's just gonna be harder on both of you guys, and God knows you've both gone through so much heartache this past year. And as for Hannah, he loves her. He really does. And he'll make an excellent father, I'm sure of it."

"Ughh, this is all so complicated." She threw her hands up in frustration, leaning her head back against the wall and shutting her eyes.

"It doesn't have to be though. And we're all gonna be here for you, whatever you choose." She pulled Monica into a hug, rubbing circles on her back.

"I just really still need time to think about it all. It's just so overwhelming." She sighed again before wrapping her arms round Rachel. She honestly didn't know what she would do without her.

--

Monica walked into the appartment with Hannah in her arms. Finally she was home. She had only been at the hospital for three days, but it had felt like a lifetime. Everyone now knew that Chandler was here. Thankfully Rachel had managed to get to Ross before he found out for himself, and he was surprisingly understanding. The moment they all saw Chandler they realised he too had been to hell and back, and none of them could bring themselves to shout at him. Sure, they were mad, but they knew that Chandler realised that too. They didn't want to cause him any more pain.

Monica was taking it the hardest though. She knew in heart what she wanted, but her head was telling her otherwise. She wasn't willing to give her heart away again, she was afraid. There was only so much heartache one person could go through. She lay Hannah down on her blanket on the floor and sat down next to her.

"I'm so glad you're finally home baby girl. You scared me, really scared me. Don't ever do that again." She bent down and kissed her on the nose, causing her to giggle. Monica grinned, she loved that Hannah could always put a smile on her face. "What am I gonna do about your Daddy, huh? I honestly don't know. Please help mummy." She laughed softly, if only she **could** help.

"Da." Monica's head snapped round. She stared wide eyed at Hannah as she gurgled away. She knew for a fact that she wasn't old enough to talk yet, but she also felt that it wasn't just coincidence that she had said 'Da'. Hannah giggled once again.

"Sweetie, you don't even know what you just said, do you?" Monica's answer was a gurgle, and she smiled once again as she looked into Hannah's big blue eyes. "Don't you go complicating things more." When Hannah giggled again, Monica laughed with her, "You're going to be such a Daddy's girl, aren't you?" She looked down at her beautiful baby girl, and it hit her. It really could be that simple. She was the one complicating things, and if she truly wanted things to work out, they would manage to fix things.

--

Chandler flicked through the channels on the tv, not really paying attention. Too many things were on his mind right now. He was at Joey and Rachel's place, just staying there for the day while he tried to find a hotel to stay in for a few nights. He didn't intend on going back to Boston just yet, he wanted to spend some time with Hannah and get to know his daughter.

He hadn't talked to Monica in two days, since they'd had the conversation that had seemed to break his heart even more. He still couldn't get her face out of his head when she told him she thought he didn't love her anymore. That was his ultimate low point. He had wanted to take her in his arms right there and kiss her with everything that he had in him, to show her just how much he loved her. But he couldn't, he'd blown it the second he walked out of her life. And he hated himself for it. He leant forward and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his temples in an attempt to clear all the millions of thoughts that were rattling around his brain.

He sat for a few moments like that, looking up when there was a soft knock at the door. He waited a few moments, hoping that whoever was there would go away, he really wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now. They knocked again though and he signed before getting up and opening the door.

"Mon .. Monica?" He stared into her eyes, frozen, unable to say or do anything. She looked into his eyes for a few minutes, and the intensity of her gaze not allowing him to look away.

She took a step towards him and before he could utter another word, her lips came crashing against his. He did what came naturally to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. She edged through the door and reached out behind her to close it, never once removing her lips from his. She snaked her arms round his neck, grabbing onto his sweater, pulling herself even closer to him as the kiss intensified.

Chandler pulled away and looked into her eyes again, a small smile playing on his lips. "Why? What made you change your mind."

She kissed him softly on the lips once again and placed a hand on the side of his face, the other resting on his chest. "Because I still love you. I don't know why, but I do. My heart won't let go. And that's all that really matters." She smiled once more before leaning in and kissing him again, revelling in this moment of perfection.

_So did you like this chapter? Its not the last one yet, I'm thinking the next one will probs be the last :) Please review, I love to hear what you all think of it!_


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